Ok, life has thrown me a few punches over the last year, I got laid off from my job.  Im on my own trying to become an independent photographer shooting weddings and selling my photography as art.  Its hard.  You truly need a promoter as an artist and I cant afford one and my personality is just the opposite of a promoter.  Im am stuck inside a world of negative and unworthiness in my head.  I do not know if it is depression, a feeling of ignorance because of my school grades, addiction,  ADD which I was diagnosed in 11th grade with or an overall reaction to my parents at my shortcomings as I was growing up.  I have never been able to narrow all the factors down to who I am today as a human being.  I have neglected this blog for quite awhile and now realize I need to keep coming back here to vent. 

Snow

It Snowed last night in the Carolinas.  Asheboro got 3 inches.  I went for a ride in the country today, March 2, 2009, and photographed some scenes on Caroway Mountian.

Long Time

I am currently busy with getting all my net motion going.  Its work.  Time consuming work and well, thats just where Im at right now.   Recently lost a friend and co-worker, Cliffton Hughes, one of three photographers I worked with for the last eight years.  Since then two other ex-coworkers have died.  The Courier Tribune is just not a safe place for humans anymore.  Im glad to be struggling out on my own right now, its hard and I have my own issues to deal with.

Just finished celebrating Christmas with the family yesterday, Thursday, December 25, 2008.  Christmas was spread out over a couple of weeks this year.  My sister could only come up the week before Christmas and my Grandmother who is 98 made  a trip to the hospital making things tricky.  All in all it was  a good time though.   Everyone got along well.   A few things about family.  My grandmother is the reason I went to photography school, and my parents are the reason I was able to stay in photography school, lord knows I did not have money saved and they were willing to take a chance on me once again.  I know they lost a lot of money sending me to HPU.  But I did worn them, "Im not ready for college, I want to take some time off, I do not even know what I want to do".  But like any normal parents would, they insisted on college.  So I went.  So I failed.  But I will talk of those days later.  I was a house framer from 1992 until 1996.  In 1995 my grandmother offered to pay for classes a Guilford Technical Community College.  She told me GTCC offered a one year Certificate in Photography after completing a one class a quarter photography program.  These classes just covered the basics.  She told me she had discussed this with my parents,  she would pay for classes at GTCC and if I did well, maybe they would pay for my schooling at Randolph Community College which came later.  You see Randolph Community College, in Asheboro, NC offered a two year program in photography in which one could get an associates degree in various fields of photography.  Little did I know just how prestigious the photography program was a RCC.   Bob Hiest had started the program from scratch in the late 60's.  I remember him saying it was just one classroom  when he started teaching photography at the school.  The program grew to be one of the top three photography schools in the United States,  and the biggest in the South East if I am remembering correctly.   I might be a little off on those last statements but no by much.   So I could not say no to going back to college.  It was a scary time for me though, I was never a good student, I had failed out of High Point Univesity in 1988.  I had spent summer in summer school for all those goddamned math classes in high school.  I still hate math to this day.  How was this going to be any different.  I had been calling in sick to work over the past six months so I could go shooting nature and abstract photography, I had to take a chance. Even if it meant failure in the classroom once again I had to take a chance.  Something about being behind the lens just felt right for me.  So on this Christmas I owe a huge thank you to my parents and grandmother.  Thank You!  Well todays post just sort of came out of me, I did not know what I was going to write but I guess it turned out to be a thank you letter.                                                                                                                       

The Journey behind the Lens.

During those wandering days in high school I did have an outlet in a couple classes that made the the other classrooms easier to stomach, one was art class.  Each year this was the one class I looked forward to.   Art class is where I first experienced the darkroom techniques, processing black and white film and printing.  Ms. Peck,  a hairy under armed hippy twenty something encouraged my pursuit of drawing and anything that brought out my artistic side.  Here is where I get confused sometimes, or where my lack of perception thrives,  my mom and sister always said I could draw, I was good at it.  But I could not take those compliments seriously right?  Family praise always have a biased jagged edge that does not allow me to believe them.   However, when Ms Peck praised my art, I thought maybe there was some truth to the family praises.   Another class I looked forward to was typing class.  John Berger and I were the only ones taking this class.  I believe it was ninth grade and to avoid taking some mind jerking math or science we chose typing thinking wow this is going to be easy.  Little did we know this was a class that I would be using twenty one years later as I sit typing in my blog.  Mrs Griffith was a trip, I dated her daughter  for awhile.  She new me very well and always teased us,  she would always blurt out "Do you want me?",  whenever John or I had a question, hand raised in the air.  And yes,  she meant do you want in that sexual way, but being horny little virgins with fragile little minds we would act like we did not know what she was doing but we always carefully responded with "yes Mrs Griffith, which finger is supposed to hit the C, the middle or the index finger?"  Every time she did this I wanted to say,  "yes,  I want you and your daughter, we can have a little doctor session and then play house".   The most prophetic words from Mrs Griffith, "This is the one class that you take with you for the rest of your life, you may not believe me now, but you will see".   Well Mrs G you were right,  thanks a bundle,  I sure as hell don't need trigonometry,  and if Bobby and Jim were 2200 miles apart,  both driving to the same destination at a point directly in the middle of two, Jim is driving at 65 mph and Bobby will be driving a 80 mph but will make two pit stops, one for a six pack and one for a piss stop, both stops taking a total of 11 minutes, Jim left at 1pm and Bobby left at 1:35pm ,at what time will the two arrive and who will............, see thats the shit I do not get, never have, never will.   

  My parents bought me a pentax k1000 when I was in tenth grade.  

Scroll down and check out my pics.